i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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