New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
