My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
