bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As shirtless as possible
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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