I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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