So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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