god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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