Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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