just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
