I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need water and some morals
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
