I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
