Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
