can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is the prime rib incident all over again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
