Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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