I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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