Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
