I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
