i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
