Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
