i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
