the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
