normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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