is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
