I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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