I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
