I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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