peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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