soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
