I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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