I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
