butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
