i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize