i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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