I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
