I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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