If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
