i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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