I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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