She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
