i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
should my penis look like a turkey
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
