I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
