Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
