I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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