I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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