Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize