He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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