trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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