Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
