I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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