Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize