Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
