Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
