omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
