am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
