Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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