Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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