After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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