she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
