Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
