So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize