Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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