I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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