Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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