We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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