ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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