u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
