Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
