getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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