You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
