FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
