Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
