She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize