I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
