i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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