I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
