True but thats because hes a fetus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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