I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize