your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
