Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
