Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it because I queefed?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize