it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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