Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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