Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Couch. On fire.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
