just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
