I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
