Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
