make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
