Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
