so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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