and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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