mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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