I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He shit in the fireplace
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
