Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
